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Structured Procrastination

You know you have hit rock bottom when you have to put up someone else’s writing on your blog.

Structured Procrastination
By John Perry
Version of April 25, 1995

I have been intending to write this essay for months. Why am I finally doing it? Because I finally found some uncommitted time? Wrong. I have papers to grade, textbook orders to fill out, an NSF proposal to referee, dissertation drafts to read. I am working on this essay as a way of not doing all of those things. This is the essence of what I call structured procrastination, an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time. All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.

Structured procrastination means shaping the structure of the tasks one has to do in a way that exploits this fact. The list of tasks one has in mind will be ordered by importance. Tasks that seem most urgent and important are on top. But there are also worthwhile tasks to perform lower down on the list. Doing these tasks becomes a way of not doing the things higher up on the list. With this sort of appropriate task structure, the procrastinator becomes a useful citizen. Indeed, the procrastinator can even acquire, as I have, a reputation for getting a lot done.

( continueed )

mystery train

more apologies.

how i can not say why. it will be the end of me. already the substance of me alludes me, changed, something else has crept in, even my words dont feel the same. feminity, distance, alien_beings have left more than i ever thought possible. all the time they, being completely unware of their effect on me. this is what kills me more.

this unreal world of instant media that we have created, we never understood and we continue to dampen personal connections for banal, artificial, leaking mediums for transit, and what's infinitely worse storage of messages.

we need the existence, rather the persistence of the others to realize, to jusitify even our own feelings. teenagers now need a linkin park to come to terms with their own angst. we have slowly dissolved from our physical realities into this collective constructive fantasy where glamour and glory await us all, until eternity, where consumption leads us to an eternally fleeing goal of perpetual happiness.

these thoughts, rather snippets arise from my fear and uselessness, are they something more than some comical representation of the plethora of text and images that i feed into me. not understanding, not lookign at the whole. even language slips by my side as i try to make sense of the world. if only i could live in emptiness and survive, if only the supreme will to life, left me, i would be content. or should i end. i have lost track of what i was here to say, but hope the meaning survives, trapped somewhere between these worthless words and constructs.

i should be working. it is supposed to be important. my future depends on it. i understand no need to have a future. would it even be me.

how i can see the cards unfolding but still can not extract concrete reasons / intentions. i've been searching for myself in the other but have found nothing, i do not exist. will i, should i. wait. i am by no measure, honest, proper, moral. but still fall into the traps set by my infantile conditioning to fail to take advantage, to cheat at times most important. maybe its ust the fear of failing even after cheating. i always keep for me an excuse.

my newest best friend

she is a hunter.

going hunting.

if home is what is found, she's not stopping

she tells me the secrets i've always wanted to lay hands on, i love the ways she speaks, sings, dances, thinks. she is what fills up my anima's projection.

a girl. speaks to me. immature, full of love, in her coccon. lets me into the hidden place.

well she's crying, lets me know that power and struggle must precede sensuality. she's a hunter. i could go on forever. but she is the closest to what heals the lashes on my anima, saves me from it. the outbursts and distortions created due to my differences with the 10 thousand year old man in me.

i will continue

vanish. escape. end

i plead forgiveness. again. pray for mercy. from now till ever.


but existence had to be justified. the nothingness of me needed to look from the other end. it did. and i found out that it is just "me, the most important", "he, who??".

how i did chase the black ray of hope even when the truth was known. and since i am continuing with these banal words. it is not that i wanted to do things. only this is my way for self-support. it is known that if it be known, i will fall to places i've not yet visited, but the actions led my control.

and i wonder, if it is better (as many do) to keep on pretending that i matter, that someone is listening, would stay around if not for 'lack of options'. now i sound like someone else, its strange how the context of what i say is so much more generic compared with these words in their usual space.

maybe i'm just asking for too much,

options

how does it feel to be the one thing that is incorrect. the onlyu imperfection in an otherwise brilliant scene in time.
to replace you, would be to create the best moment of someone's life .

incapable of contributing to a positive emotion in any other. to know that the moment you speak (and you will), the others would want to exit. to run.

that you are naturally despised, it is the basis of you. what you present from the closets of your parents, friends (in pity) will only bring more friends in pity, ethic and nicety; etiquette, courtesy.

that for which someone may bend towards you, does not exist.

to realize that the only reason you are there(here) is because they had no other option.

______________________________________________

Archives.ppl
i am not good. i apologise. until i understand. i erase your options. or create an alternative. i Steal. firgiveness. i plead. but i continue

A A A A A

he was overawed by the lives of the two and the connections that grew through them; but one had never even considered him worth an honest word and the other never caring to clarify if his life was just a clown's act in their amphitheatre or something else,

probably he was just a speck of dirt, screaming out in his insignificance.

alas

To realize the reasons behind the moves, the words of your ego, yet to go ahead and follow the chosen path; it can be justified as experimentation, as passive observation - a scientific analysis to gauze your own subconcious. Or it can simply be accepted as lack of self control.

Decisions; actions undertaken purely to satisy urges steming from primal needs. this after understanding the basis of them. facing the futility of hope, why does one not step away. stop. divert