Almost Perfect

missed it.

perfection in life. for once. to fck up something absolutely. completely and enjoy it. never did i realize i could have made history. in retrospect i'm sorry for me not being able to judge the situation in all its glory.

DCS brought me close to perfection. completeness thrown with style into a Zero.

i love myself.

. writer .

every man that writes is a great writer. his symbols and metaphors lost in the words, their design and the evolutionary phrase. It is only the ones most mundane, ordinary, pedestrian, the ones most can decipher, 'relate', understand; that which lay out the mediocre, these are the ones we celebrate, in their foolish words find ourselves and fuel our egos.

step over

the flow i must intercept. i do. finally. today. make a note. its been months while i tried, but failed. its a whim, breaking of an imaginary future as it presents itself into a contrasting present. the other rises. i drift and fade away. trapped but, in the world

consiousness trails the acheypical response still; but control can be trained in, pushed into the fabric of thought. and i must. save myself. for its already too late.
and this; just another excuse.

i congratulate. wish. glory and self. to fuel the new monster. for it I pray.

to create life. a daft vision of success. ambition. to fuel the doubt with blind belief and ephemra. in my mind, i pull a cloak over the gaps.

i must continue but i dont wish to. say i can; but the effort pushes the insides of me. through the backdoors into the dreams.

things change

i feel like a little kid amongst grown ups, speaking of things to do, my greatest ideas, stories of grandeur and adventure in excited short breaths, to be a part, to prove myself; while they look down upon me and hope i would understand better.

i still push, ,i don't know why, hope and happiness, ruin human life and also create it through their failures. i was at-least looking for a smile, to confess i was looking for trust, but only met with awkward formalities.

visceral

i want to be important. and therefore die. as when a person, a human dies, people stand over it. think (pretend) over it.

I want to be of some (any) significance to something.

to dream is to demand attention, to write is to live it. therefore i would want to write. to create is to rise above the ephemeral, so i dream to create. to kill is to demand a presence.


i wish to move beyond .the end.