to remember (keep updating)

Surrealism and Self-Representation in the Photography of Francesca Woodman
http://www.uscanada.org/rus1.html

John Jude Palencar: Illustrator: related TAG: simulacrum

typo

no reason to be here. not feeling. not thinking. have nothing to say. even to myself.

some ways of interactions i have been pondering over now, however rude they may come out to be in the finality; the collapse of everything. they still mean nothing => the people, the test subjects. and i include me. it could be interesting, nothing goes down from here. and i it does it sure will be thrilling to be in new landscapes.

to seperate conversations from your self-image, the physical and mental. to follow no train of thought. randomness. the only way to be true to yourself when all your mind has already been deconstructed is to not think. is to do that which is not expected of you. to become a test subject. for your own experiments in life.

but what i hope to retain is a certain section of me to keep rooted in the consumer-culture. to want what they want me to need. to consume, infinitely. and involve myself in it. i dont see why, but i hope.

crossing the limits of useless key presses, with no meaning or sense i continue here, aware consiously and in some hidden layer of my mind expecting something, or structuring these random words and phrases to reach out. to explain my position. to want more. or not to want. to comprehend more. to fall out of control. to not be banal. to change the world. do something new. belive that i am special. all the time knowing that i am the common, the lower average. the lamb to the slaughter. the emerging market. Winter Time plays, i've been told its excruciatingly optimistic. its strange how certain voices press deep into the synaptic structures of me. and most slip of the surface. of want which cannot be reached. not even instantiated.

and since i touch upon all the topics my brain can extend to i should add that i wonder wheather i am sinking into useless words and contructs, unstructured mental patterns, zero comprehensability. or is it just a bridge to better thought. i wish i was able to talk coherent, structured and meaningful

and for no particular reason
i stop here

this being, the one to whom this is addressed
has a zillion things inside its brain.

and people who never see inside the brain
don't know about the zillions of things.

and since it only finds true pleasures in games it plays with itself,
no one really knows.

a plan; the master plan is to document it all,
to put it in a time capsule so that one day; some day.

an alien, some highly evolved species will find it and

Understand

(adapted from Jacob Aaron Estes, mean creek)

book list I

it is easy to choose a state where the ambitions of a life do not intersect with the dreams of a child. Where self-evaluation and struggles are allowed to fade in the laughter of 'us'. Where accepting things as they are, as they ought to be, and reveling in others is not followed by a want to reach out, to move up to the podium, to kiss the last steps of a climb. Where i am not meaning to obscure meaning, or rather i am not afraid of shallow words, even in the context of my mind. in my personal universe.

how much does it matter, the time you spend inside your mind, on things which never instantiate. The meaning of doodles on scraps around you that never reach their reason. How much does the real weigh against the world in your mind, the conversations with images i create.

and how deep does intentionality dive, hiow much do people really understand, is esthetics only a passing phase, can i live, should i be allowed to. Answers can not help. structure, randomness, personal contexts, capsules of incoherent words. depth or failure to communicate.

does this matter. i belive not and therefore i can continue. he should mark his books, atleast the ones he thinks afftected thought.

Seeing Voices - Oliver Sacks
Ways of Seeing - John Berger
On reading and other essays - Arthur Schopenhaur
The Clock of Long Now - Stewart Brand
The Story of Philosophy - Will Durant
In the Beginning was the Command Line (History of Operating Systems) - Neal Stephenson

No One Here Gets Out Alive (Biography: Jim Morrison) - Danny Sugerman

Flatland : A Romance of Many Dimensions - Edwin A. Abbott
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
Short Stories by Franz Kafka

Starship Troopers - Robert A Heinlein
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep - Philip K Dick
1984 - George Orwell

Lessons from Bauhaus, Ulm and NID: Role of Basic Design in PG Education - M P Ranjan

Marshall McLuhan
Carl Gaustav Jung
Jean Baudrillard

it is sad that i have read only this in the past 2.5 years, when i have done nothing else.
i should read.

3. The Sleep Of No Dreaming

[Written by Steven Wilson]

At the age of sixteen
I grew out of hope
I regarded the cosmos
Through a circle of rope
So I threw out my plans
Ran on to the wheel
And emptied my head
Of all childish ideals
The sleep of no feeling
I married the first girl
Who wasn't a man
And smiled as the spiders
Ran all over my hands
Made a good living
By dying it's true
As the world in my TV
Leaked onto my shoes