Trash Bin: My Mind

Technology Writer.
Useless Man

I think i need to write the following, lest i miss it. There is no need to be articulate, be be concise, proper, all I want is to profile the thought, to preserve it, the worthless connection in my mind(how i wish i could have given the technically correct part of the brain associated with such thoughts...sigh). I am failing in an exam for the first time, not really the first, but yes, this time is special, i had chances, i still have some, but i just cannot force myself into it anymore, I wonder if it is the pinnacle of the growing indiscipline inside me or do i understand myself better, I am more mature; a smile grows with that thought, it is funny, thinking that the reason i fail is because i understand, but the way I see the world has changed, or so i believe, aspirations have lost me, i need less to be satisfied, i yearn more than ever to learn, but that which excites my mind, even if it is most ephemeral of things, i want to skip the education, i want to feel, to explore. To Understand, whatever that means. maybe its just my mind exploring new ways of evasion, a way to justify my failure, to turn it into victory, because i see it coming more often. But i can argue, i still do well in certain subjects; the ones that interest me. Is it in-spite of my ignorance, a gift, that i can understand certain topics, or do I see my path, and want to focus. It seems my mind works on planes higher than I can comprehend, again whatever that means. I think it is just time that I pay for my ignorance and indiscipline of several years that have piled up to the point that i slip below the red line. It would be correct to add that i do not see myself taking concrete steps to rectify things.